Should You Cut Off Your Parents?

The growing "No Contact" movement, family pain, and the gospel's better way.

Two years ago, an article appeared in the New Yorker exploring the growing phenomenon of adult children going "no contact" with their parents. The term refers to intentionally cutting off communication with a parent or family member, often because of unresolved conflict, emotional wounds, abuse, or deeply fractured relationships. What was once considered rare has become increasingly common, especially among younger generations.

As Christians, we should begin by acknowledging something important: family relationships can be deeply painful. Not every parent was loving. Not every home was safe. Not every wound is small. Some people carry scars from years of neglect, manipulation, abuse, or betrayal. The Bible never asks us to pretend those things didn't happen. Nor does it require someone to remain in an unsafe or abusive situation.

In that sense, the rise of "no contact" reveals something real. Many people are hurting.

But while the gospel agrees with the diagnosis, it often offers a different remedy.

Our culture increasingly tells us that peace comes through separation. If a relationship is painful, cut it off. If someone hurts you, remove them from your life. If reconciliation is difficult, move on.

Sometimes boundaries are necessary. Sometimes distance is wise. But the gospel consistently pushes us toward something deeper than self-protection. The gospel calls us to honor. That doesn't mean pretending evil wasn't evil. It doesn't mean enabling abuse. And it certainly doesn't mean calling sin good. But it does mean refusing bitterness, resentment, and contempt.

One of the striking realities of Scripture is that God calls us to honor our parents not because they are always worthy of honor, but because he is worthy of obedience. That's what makes the Christian response unique. Our culture says, "Honor those who deserve it." The gospel says, "Honor is rooted in the grace you've received from Christ."

That doesn't eliminate the need for wisdom, boundaries, accountability, or even seasons of distance. But it does transform the posture of our hearts. We have to remember that the goal is not revenge. The goal is not self-righteousness. Nor is the goal winning.

The goal is becoming more like Jesus.

The gospel creates a different kind of family because it creates different kinds of people. People who not only tell the truth about sin but who establish healthy boundaries.  People who seek forgiveness and people who pursue reconciliation whenever possible.  The gospel creates people who refuse to let bitterness have the final word.

Family relationships are often messy and very complicated. Some situations have no easy answers. But Christians have something our culture desperately needs: a Savior who entered broken relationships, absorbed our sin, extended grace, and made reconciliation possible. The gospel doesn't ignore family pain. It meets us in it.

And it offers a better way.