What Tamar’s Story Requires of Us

There are stories in the Bible we wish had never happened. Second Samuel 13 is one of them. Amnon, one of David’s sons, becomes consumed with desire for his half-sister Tamar. He manipulates the circumstances to get her alone, ignores her repeated pleas to stop, overpowers her, and sexually assaults her. Then, having taken what he wanted, he casts her aside.

The Bible does not sanitize what happened. “But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.” (2 Samuel 13:14). As we worked through the larger story of David’s fractured family on Sunday, we couldn’t spend the time this particular passage deserves. Tamar is not merely a plot point illustrating the consequences of David’s sin. She is a person made in the image of God who suffers horrific evil.

So what does her story require of us?

1. Call evil what God calls evil.

Interestingly, 2 Samuel 13 initially tells us that Amnon “loved” Tamar (v. 1). But what follows exposes just how counterfeit that “love” actually is. Glen Scrivener points out that even Amnon’s name means “Faithful,” a tragic irony given everything he becomes. Amnon believes himself to be lovesick, but his concern is not what he can do for Tamar. It is what he wants to do to her. Once he gets what he wants, his supposed love immediately turns to hatred.

That is not love. Love seeks another person’s good. Amnon uses another person for his own gratification. And Scripture places responsibility exactly where it belongs: on Amnon.

Tamar trusted her brother. She entered his room. She prepared food for him. None of those things make her responsible for what happened next. As Moses Lee observes, the biblical narrator never turns those details against Tamar or uses them to lessen Amnon’s guilt.

What happened to Tamar was not her fault. Christians should be equally clear today. Sexual abuse is evil. Coercion is evil. Using power to exploit another person is evil. And neither the victim’s clothing, reputation, previous choices, relationship with the offender, nor anything else transfers responsibility for abuse onto the person who was abused.

2. Listen to Tamar.

One of the most striking features of the story is that Tamar speaks. She tells Amnon, “No.”

She calls what he intends to do an “outrage” (v. 12). She reasons with him repeatedly. And Scripture gives us her words. Amnon’s response is chilling: “But he would not listen to her…” (v. 14)

Afterward, Tamar tears her robe, puts ashes on her head, and goes away crying aloud. The Bible refuses to silence her grief. Unfortunately, the people around her do not respond nearly as well. Her brother Absalom tells her, “Be quiet for now, my sister” (v. 20). David hears what happened and becomes furious but does nothing.

Scrivener argues that this is part of what makes the chapter so disturbing: Amnon is not the only failure in the story. Jonadab enables him. Absalom minimizes Tamar’s voice and eventually pursues vengeance on his own terms. David is outraged but passive.

Tamar is surrounded by powerful men, yet none of them use their power faithfully for her good. That should make the church pay attention.

When someone discloses abuse, our first instinct should not be to protect a reputation, defend an institution, explain away what happened, or hurry the person toward forgiveness and reconciliation. We should listen carefully. Take disclosures seriously. Prioritize safety. Pursue truth. And care patiently for the person who has been harmed.

3. Don’t stop at outrage.

There may be no more haunting verse in the chapter than 2 Samuel 13:21: “When King David heard of all these things, he was very angry.” His anger is appropriate. But anger is not action.

David is Tamar’s father and Israel’s king. Yet the text records no meaningful response from him. His outrage does nothing to protect Tamar, confront Amnon, or pursue justice. That is an important warning for Christians and especially for church leaders. It is possible to strongly condemn abuse in principle while failing people who experience it in practice.

Jennifer Greenberg, writing from her own experience of abuse, has argued that churches must not treat reports of criminal abuse simply as internal spiritual matters or protect perpetrators in the name of protecting Christ’s reputation. Bringing evil into the light does not damage the witness of Jesus; concealing evil does.

Our response must go beyond, “That’s terrible.” We protect the vulnerable. We take allegations seriously. We pursue appropriate accountability. When criminal conduct is involved, we involve the appropriate civil authorities rather than attempting to handle everything “in house.” Being horrified by abuse is not the same thing as responding faithfully to abuse.

4. Become a different kind of community.

Perhaps the most searching insight from Scrivener’s treatment of this passage is that it takes more than Amnon to create the tragedy of 2 Samuel 13. There is an entire ecosystem around him. That means the Christian question cannot simply be, “Am I an Amnon?” Of course we must ask whether we use power to serve others or exploit them. But we should also ask harder questions.

Do we enable destructive behaviour because confrontation is uncomfortable?
Do we minimize suffering because dealing with it would be costly?
Are we more concerned about someone’s reputation than someone else’s safety?
Do people who have been harmed know they can speak honestly among us?

The church should be radically different from David’s household. It should be a place where the powerful protect rather than exploit, where sin is brought into the light rather than concealed, where victims are treated with dignity, and where those who suffer are not pressured to pretend everything is okay.

5. Look to a better Son of David.

This may be the most beautiful contrast in an otherwise horrifying chapter. Scrivener notices how upside-down the entire story is. Amnon (“Faithful”) is faithless. Absalom’s name means “Father of Peace,” yet he responds with hatred and eventually violence. David is the king, yet he fails to act like one. Everyone who should have been something better fails Tamar.

And that leaves us longing for another Son of David. Jesus is the Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). He does not exploit his power; he lays it down for others. He does not turn away from the vulnerable; he draws near. He does not conceal evil; he brings darkness into the light. And he promises that evil will not have the final word.

That does not mean trauma disappears quickly. It does not mean every earthly consequence is erased. And it certainly does not mean Christians should rush someone toward a tidy spiritual ending to a profoundly painful story. It means there is a King who sees. A King who cares. A King who will judge evil rightly. And a King who was himself wounded to bring healing to broken people.

Second Samuel 13 ends with Tamar living as “a desolate woman” in Absalom’s house.

But her suffering is not invisible to God. And perhaps that is where we should end too. If Tamar’s story feels painfully familiar because someone has sinned against you, hear what this passage refuses to let anyone deny: What happened to you matters. The evil done against you does not diminish your dignity before God. Someone else’s sin does not get to become your identity. What happened may always be part of your story. But in Christ, it does not get to name you.

Pastor Jeremy

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¹ Glen Scrivener, “When It Comes to Abuse, It Takes a Village,” The Gospel Coalition, July 6, 2021. Scrivener’s treatment of 2 Samuel 13 is especially helpful for the meanings of the characters’ names, the failures of the wider community surrounding Tamar, and the contrast with Christ and his kingdom.
² Moses Y. Lee, “The Cruelty of Victim-Blaming and the Hope for Redemption,” The Gospel Coalition. Lee highlights how the narrative records details that could easily be weaponized against Tamar while placing responsibility for the assault on those who perpetrate and facilitate it.
³ Scrivener
⁴ Jennifer Greenberg, “Reporting Abuse Shouldn’t Be Controversial. It’s Biblical,” The Gospel Coalition, October 14, 2021. Greenberg argues from Scripture and her own experience that churches should take reports of abuse seriously rather than sheltering perpetrators or treating truthful reports of evil as attacks on the church.